I'm sick of being the first person to always have to say hello. I'm sick of the fact that if I ever want to befriend someone I have to be the one to go out and make the effort. I'm sick of not having friends that are kids my age, that are flippin' guys my age. I'm sick of thinking that I put the kettle on and then eight and a half minutes later I make myself a cup of tea only to realise my tea is cold because no, I didn't put the kettle on. I'm sick oh school and their lack of understanding about how things affectus when it means nothing to them. I'm sick of sitting down to do work and then the whole day goes by and I've actually written less than three sentences and I don't know where the time went because I wasn't distracted to my memory. I'm sick of forgetting things - I once had the greatest memory ever. I'm sick of being being in the lowest I have been and then I have to help everyone through their own problems without them even reading that I might actually be dieing on the inside something shocking - and having to have the pressure of people yelling at me 'I have a gun right here = now you better convince me not to kill myself of I will' over the flippin' internet. I'm sick of not being able to sing like Josh Groban. I'm sick of the pressure. I'm sick of the fact that I dislike school. I'm sick of the fact that mail doesn't arrive on time. I'm sick of the fear of actually being failed at school because I don't put in enough effort. I'm sick of people assuming. I'm sick of hurting and crying everyday. I'm sick of the fact that I shouldn't feel because everyone else is going through stuff. I'm sick of getting replies saying 'I know exactly what you mean sometimes about it being hard to maintain a friend' because this doesn't help me. I'm sick of being so low. I'm sick of the fact that my mind doesn't think in a straight line. I'm sick of the fact I embarrass myself in public. I'm sick of the fact friends lose contact so pursue other worthless areas of there lives. I'm sick of the fact that friends make promises they can keep but don't anyway. I'm sick of people not seeing my view. I'm sick of making sure I am nice at most situations and still not having a friend who i see regularly who understands. I'm sick of people saying 'I offered you friendship and you haven't taken it' because it's crap. I'm sick of my life not working out consistently. I;m sick of not knowing the meaning of words I should. I'm sick of alot.

I'm grateful for alot too - but that doesn't mean it's wrong for me to feel flippin' sad.